she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I will die if light touches me.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
