..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
