Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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