I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
