did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
