they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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