I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
