I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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