Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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