She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
