return my video game
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
