you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
