I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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