Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The Olympian is in my bed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
