I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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