I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I could fuck to npr.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
