And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
