I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
