On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
