Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
