My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
