I'm lost and stupid without you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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