so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
