I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize