If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
