she looked like the before picture.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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