just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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