It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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