She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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