Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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