i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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