I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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