at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
