my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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