I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
