mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
