At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
