Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
