Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And then he peed in my hair
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