she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
