you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
