If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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