Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
