real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As shirtless as possible
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
