remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
