We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
