you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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