I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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