i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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