Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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