she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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