My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
