dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
