I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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