Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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