he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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