I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize