im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
did you just send me my own nude
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
