I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
