he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
