Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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