I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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