So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
