Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Randomize