Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
