I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
