My Higher Power is John Stamos
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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