if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
