I looked at my own cervix.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize