There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
